Saturday, November 16, 2013

Riding with the windows rolled down..................

"I like Big Butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny"..........This is the song Kirk and I shouted to each other tonight....... We were being silly.   Come on you know this song too:)!
You are singing it now, right?!

I look back at this past week and sigh.........a lot to think about. I am reminded by my son that God did not bring us on this journey with plans to leave us on the side of the road stranded. He is going to make sure we get to our destination safely.  (this kid amazes me!)

We all handle stress and bad news differently therefore we should not judge others reactions if it is not what we expect. I found myself in this situation........Opening up about how much Kirk has declined to his children...... I failed by trying to protect their hearts from breaking. I still see that 7 year old little boy and 10 year old little girl, but that's not reality.  Reality is Kirk is declining and we are all needed in the trenches.

I sit and watch him all the time. I am memorizing his face, his expressions, everything. I ask him every night "Who am I and what am I to you?" and he answers, "You are Stacey and you are my beautiful wife". (he's still a smooth talker:)
He enjoys the wind in his face..... when I am driving down the road he always rolls the window down and holds his head out of the window. He says he feels free.

If you have been to visit Kirk lately then you have heard about "our cabins and the 100 million dollars he won" He talks about elaborate cabins with deer running everywhere and everyone is welcome. He tells you that you just need clothes, no money. He is taking care of it all.  Yesterday he told me randomly that he wanted to be buried in his purple striped tie and purple shirt. I asked him if he wanted to look like an Easter egg. We both laughed then he looked straight in my eyes and said "I'm serious".  Today as we were driving to Bailey's fishing tournament he said, "I know this is random but I want to be buried in Abilene, because that's where I have spent most of my life"   I type these painful truths because it is my reality. Is he preparing me? Does he know something I don't know? When he speaks about the cabins he is preparing, is this his Heaven?

1 comment:

  1. Stacey, you are in my prayers... as is Kirk and the kids.
    When I lost Phillip, it came as a big shock. It was sudden and unexpected. AT least to everyone but Phillip I have come to believe. We had talked about insurance at one time in the late fall and though it wasn't much we said at least it was enough to take care of burial expenses.. Subject dropped. When he died in his sleep Dec 10th of 96, I found as I was calling friends to ask if they would be pall bearers, and to notify friends that lived far away, that he had called and talked to everyone of them and others, to make sure that he had told them everything he needed to and make sure there weren't any hard feelings. He felt the need to make peace with these people who had no ill feelings toward him but he wanted to be sure...These phone calls were all made in the 10 days to two weeks before he died. He had no terminal illness. He died of a pulmonary embolism secondary to sleep apnea. I believe that God let him know he would soon be coming home.
    You are blessed to know so that you can treasure each moment~ My heart goes out to you.
    Ruth Vanderwater