Wow! Feels weird blogging again. So many reasons why I stopped. Sadness, anger, distrust, rebellion..........I could go on and on. I have actually been keeping a journal, but couldn't bring myself to blog about it. Our loss of Kirk sent me to a dark place of anger and confusion. I stopped my devotionals, stopped reading my bible, stopped praying. I was mad! I'm still angry at times, but I'm opening up. God's grace once again. He loves me so much!
It's been three months and yet it feels like he's been gone so much longer. It's hard for others to understand that statement I'm sure. Last week we received the final autopsy report. Sporadic Creutzfeldt Jacobs Disease. sCJD. It is unknown how he got this disease. We will never know. We do know it is not hereditary and for that we PRAISE God. I'm finding my way slowly, trying to stay focused on my kids and my sweet Parker (aka the perfect grandson). I ride the wave of emotions and they are some crazy waves. I'm thankful for the continued prayers, they have been much needed.
I want to slow down, dive back into God's Word, find forgiveness and find a new normal. A New Beginning. One that God shows me, not one that I begin. I will continue to blog as time allows. I'm getting Bailey ready for college in the Fall. That's a whole other prayer request! He's been my rock! I'm so proud of him and he is going to do great things!
My past is my past and my future is my future. Today, I'm thankful for every moment of love I'm fortunate enough to embrace in the present. I take everything I've learned, every ache of my heart, and every tear in my soul and apply it to my life for every day of my future.
I've chosen to live, laugh and love again.