Friday, November 22, 2013

At a crossroad......

So much has taken place since my last blog..........

I  heard this quote somewhere before....... "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." This is for my dad, thank you daddy for standing with me in the fire.

This week's events confirmed that it is time to take a step back from work and be with Kirk.  I can already feel a sense of peace and weight lifted. (That could just be the control freak in me:)  ......nobody can take care of him like I can.) 

I sit across from him in the evenings and watch him close his eyes, he says he is dreaming.  In the most precious, patient and soothing voice he tells Parker(our soon to be born grandson) how to catch a fish, catch a baseball and takes him to the zoo.  He cradles his arms as if he is holding a baby and strokes his head.  He tells me he is dreaming of Pops. After watching him I understand what he is talking about. He is dreaming of Parker calling him Pops. He is dreaming about being a Pops.  He will most certainly be the best Pops ever!  

Sleep is overrated! It's funny what your body will adjust to.  I am definitely overdue a good night's sleep. I should be sleeping when he is sleeping, but I steal those moments while he is sleeping and watch him, caress his face, play with his ears (that's his favorite).  I hit a brick wall Tuesday night and I'm so thankful my dad was here. Kirk had a very rough weekend and I was beginning to feel it.  I have tried extremely hard to keep my emotions at bay while I am at school. My students are so precious to me and their little hearts are so compassionate towards my family.  I guess I had been a little grouchy that morning. :) When I returned from lunch I found a sweet little note from a student. " Please cheer up, we love you Mrs. Russell", if she only knew how bad I needed that reminder.

Dogs are so smart! I have watched our Golden, Malaikah with Kirk. She does not leave his side. If he gets up to go to the bathroom she is right behind him. I have also paid close attention to her when he has bad days, where he barely remembers anything.  She wakes up whining in the middle of the night or is very anxious all day. M ....loves him so much! She knows........

This week my mind has wondered off a lot....... I find myself saying out loud, "is this really going to happen? Am I really going to lose him?" Each time something happens with Kirk I feel as if I have lost another piece of him that I can't get back.  Those times keep coming too fast.

We have come to a crossroad........ over the next two weeks I pray God shows me the next step to take.

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