Thursday, January 9, 2014

Standing strong.....

A rarer form of the disease, known as young onset, can affect people as young as in their 30's.

Rarer! A rarer form.......that's it!  No one can tell me why it's happening so fast. I was told today the younger the onset, the more rapid the disease is.

My time off with Kirk is coming to an end. I am going back to work Monday, it was a hard decision. It's what I have to do and we will make it work.  This time with him has been priceless! We danced in the middle of the living room, sang at the tops of our lungs (out of key I might add), had precious talks about Parker and most of all just sat in silence holding on to one another for dear life.

The confusion that ravishes his mind is so evil.  At times he walks around the house without purpose, I ask him, "What can I do for you?" He tells me he doesn't know and curls up next to me in a ball and cries.  I try to put reason to it, but I'm unsuccessful. I stroke his face, caress his head and rock him struggling to hold back my own tears. I only want him to see me smile.... no tears!

I have put off going to the Alzheimer's Alliance.  In my mind if I walked through those doors it made it factual. My husband is 52 with Alzheimer's.  I made it through the doors today. I was met with a warm fuzzy. Not what I was expecting, actually I had no expectations because I didn't even want to be there. I will be back.

When you walk in our home these days you will find a red dot on the on button for coffee, blue painters tape on the door frame, pictures with details of who they are and Kirk's relation to them, red fingernail polish on the TV remote on button and many more tricks that help Kirk have a sense of dignity and control. This is our new normal. I have always said everybody's normal looks different. I'm sure it will continue to alter as time goes by.

I am amazed by the love and compassion my kids have. They have rallied around their dad! HE IS STILL THEIR SUPERMAN! I see it in the way they look after him and continue to try and understand what is happening to their dad.  I may struggle with that one for awhile.

As this disease strolls through our home like it owns the place, I continue to stand strong on God's promises......."I will never leave you or forsake you"

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