I wish I could say it went off without a snag, but I would be completely lying. I was surrounded by family and friends for the holidays. A few things or people were missing. It's weird looking back in retrospect and picking apart the do's and don'ts and the I'll never do that agains. It's funny and sad how things turn out after losing a spouse. You lose a lot more than just a spouse. Our anniversary was the first big one, April 11. Then came the girl's birthdays this past summer. September made its way and that probably was the hardest one for me. That's Kirk's birthday month.
I really want to stop and explain something to those that even still read my blog ....... Not because I feel I owe anyone an explanation. But because I know I'm not the only one who has suffered such a loss. Although I lost an amazing man, my husband, my love. I never gave up hope of happiness. I was never naive about it, but I knew God had more planned for my children and I. My marriage to Kirk was good. Absolutely we had rough spots, but it was good and solid. I adored him.
My willingness to keep Kirk's love of life alive kept me, Bailey and the girls going. It captured our hearts and kept us moving and open to no boundaries of what God could do. I think that is where we screw up at times. We put boundaries on God of what He can do. When that happens, we can't see pass our hurt, our loss, our own face for that matter. I'm so thankful that we did not put God in a box. He showed me and my kids grace and so much undeserved love. God has allowed me to love again. I am so blessed by that. I am very aware that others may disagree with me or even question me. I know and those that have ever lost a spouse, you know. Grief is an individual road and each road is so different.
My life is very much full of joy. It's changing and will never be the same. I choose to embrace change and welcome it. It does not mean we forget our loss or lose our love for that person. I choose to believe it is how we honor that person.
I am so thankful for the love and patience that Rendall shows me and especially my children. I know how blessed my kids and I are and thank God everyday for loving us.